You're The Bone Machine

My j'adorable friend Jackee is another blogebrity that begged to be interviewed by yours jewly, and I was happy to make all her dreams come true, for me and you... He runs the filtheriffic Gay Porn Blog, and even more entertaining is his personal blog where he expounds upon more mundane things like eating bacon and getting dumped and doing dishes. Oh and he came up with this years cult porn classic Wet Palms, which I'm still waiting to be sent to me, which we realized you can do free with pre-paid NetFlix envelopes...

I sat down with Jack over a 128 ounce Jamba Juice recently and chatted about coke, the Olsen Twins, and his sick porn obsession.

RK   You are soooo SF, combining blogging, fagging, and onlining as your job du choix. Seriously tho, porn is like the new dot com! It's so mainstream these days with porn stars doubling up as real estate agents and pop stars. How did you get started in it all?

JJS When I was 9 years old these two black girls came walking down the block screaming and making a commotion. They walked past me and they threw this magazine at me. It was this newsprint bondage magazine filled with truly bizarre drawing of women tied up and stuff. I kept it, but didn't know what to make of it. A few weeks later I told my sister that I had it, (she was 10 at the time), and the next day she snuck into my room and taped the centerfold up on my wall. The centerfold featured was a drawing of a woman tied up with clamps on her nipples. I believe she might have been on fire, too. My sister was funny. From pretty much then on I've been obsessed with porn and have come up with some pretty crafty ways of getting my hands on it. About 5 years ago I started reviewing porn for HX (as "Lance and Butch") if only so I could get review copies. From there, I became a judge for the GayVN awards, which means I would literally get hundreds of review copies. Porn is sort of like cocaine in that way: the more you do it, the less it affects you, but the more you want it.

RK     Being gay is great because we celebrate porn instead of hide it like my roomate in college did. Poor thing used to use his own spit as lube which, I don't care what people say, doesn't work.What do you think your life would be like if you were *gasp* a breeder? 

JJS   God, my mom asked me that one day after a PFLAG meeting . Its such a bizarre concept, because on one level being gay has little to do with who I am: I'm no circuit queen and I rarely listen to Cher. But on another level, it has everything to do with who I am: If I was straight I can't imagine that I would obsess over Jonathan Adler.

RK    I know Jonathan, he has amazing skin for a Jew. Ok, two part question : Have you ever auditioned to be on a reality TV show, and if you could eff someone famous who would it be and why?

JJS  Up close his skin isn't so great. I've never auditioned for a reality TV show for fear of making a fool out of myself. However, last year my porn-entanglements afforded me the oportunity to be on two "newsy expose" TV shows about the porn industry. One was for Swedish TV and the hosts pretended to be auditioning for Wet Palms, the hit gay porn soap opera I co-wrote and created. The other was this show for the BBC that was doing a profile on Precious Moments -- er -- I mean Michael Solider. I had to pretend that I was a cameraman filming a scene that Soldier was directing. Michael's never really directed, and I've never really filmed a sex scene, but we were both more than happy to pretend once they pointed a betacam at us.

RK    I saw the most amazing show about ABBA the other night and it had all these clips from Swedish TV. I love how the Swedes are trying to create the perfect society much like gay men in the mid 90's did. But somewhere down the road they fucked it all up, quel surprise. Speaking of perfect, any thoughts on the Olsen twins?

JJS  That's a question a child would ask, but not a childish question. I don't know if I have the room or time to get into it, but for some, the child star fascination is like waiting for something bad to happen. For me, it's not so simple. They were cast on "Full House" when they one years old. Neither their parents nor the producers of the show had any idea if they'd turn out pretty or if they'd even ever be able to read their lines. And yet, they ended up saving the show. Their movies (most of which I've seen) are terrible, but they released them so frequently, that they act as this text which document their childhood and their maturation. Never before has a child's growth been so well-documented. In their earlier work they play themselves ("Mary-Kate and Ashley") but as time goes on, they start to take on different roles: In "Billboard Dad," they become Tess and Emily Tyler. In "Passport to Paris," they're ex-patriots Mel And Ally Porter. In "Our Lips Are Sealed," they're Andrea and Karla Frauenfelder and go into the wintness protection program. It's like the logical, commerical conclusion of Cindy Sherman's artwork.

RK   OMG do you have "Passport to Paris"... if not I was gonna get it for you. They sell it for $7.99 at Duane Reade. You have 374 friendsters. How many have you fuckstered?

JJS   I only have 334 at press time. I've met most of them, too. I'm not some fronter like LINUS who finds people and just goes through your list stealing your friends. I once came up with a formula: The Friendster Fuck Quotient, where you count the number of people you've fucked, divided by your total number of friendsters and then multiplied by 100. Mine was really low thanks in part to my Victorian sexual sensibilites and in part to the fact that, unlike some queens, I actually accept friend requests from women.

RK  You dyke. Thanks for making me yer friendster JJ Shams!