Your club could use some Vixen ....

Last night my new FBBF and I decided not to actually be desperate housewives by sitting around eating Haagen Daaz's limited edition Bailey's Ice Cream watching Desperate Housewives but instead we were going to brave the chills and go out, which I never do now that I have Manhunt and an FBBF and Tivo.... we walked around the obnoxiously fun MEPA/WECHE neighborhood watching crazed Asian girls en route to or possibly leaving a bachelorette party and a queue of meaty italian B+T types desperate to get into Spice Market (I bet they're still waiting), when we finally made it to the Park for some Ramblin' good fun.... the thing I wasn't prepared for was HOW THIS NIGHT IS STILL THE SAME THING EVERY SINGLE WEEK... I think everyone likes this night because it's one place you can still pose with a Virgina Slime viced between your fingers and think you're Alexis from Dynasty. So be prepared that if you do get gummed by someone yer gonna walk away stinking like a wet ashtray afterwards. AND please for the love of god, can someone get Jon Jon Boredoms some new records. "Violet" by Hole was kewl in 1991 but half the crowd there wasn't even alive in 1991, yet they all pogo around like chicks on speed when that songs comes on, which subsequently knocked over my delish Guinness all up in my <random high school sport> teeshirt. It was like that weird cartoon Shirt Tales from the 80's where when the little fuzzies had a thought, it would appear on their respective teeshirt....last night everyone was thinking they must have played soccer or lacrosse for some high school somewhere because thats all you could see for miles and miles... cigarette smoking fauxjox pumping and voguing to a Smells Like Teen Toxic mashup like it was April 2004.

But this story has such a happy ending! The FBBF and I ended up at Diner 24 where I had what had to be the yummiest mac+fromage ever, and lo and behold what came on but Punk Rock Girl by the Dead Milkmen, and I was so tempted to get on the table and shout Anarchy but I just kept shoveling in carbs and feeling like the thirtysomething bear I'm destined to become. As Billy Corgan once sang "Youth is wasted on the Young". And gay fauxjox.